How to get rid of loneliness? Or how to love unconditionally?
August 16, 2017
Many times I have experienced the feeling of loneliness in the company of others. Who hasn't? I have experienced loneliness in my romantic relationships. I have found myself thinking that a true partner would not let me feel that way because they would see me. So, when they didn't, it would hurt me. It would introduce doubts about how much they cared, why weren't they responding to my sadness, why weren't they seeing me?
What I have come to really see in my life is that that loneliness is not anyone else's responsibility. True love for my being requires that I fill all spaces within myself.
And it is not even a question of why I felt that way but what to do about it?
So here are some of the things that I apply to free myself from the easy traps of expectations and avoidance of my own responsibility. I share them with you.
Suspend the expectation that others should see you.
If you really think about it, that expectation or even that request makes the other responsible for something that doesn't pertain to them. You burden the other for not understanding you. You judge them for not leaning in, for not coming to your rescue. When you suspend expectations you suspend judgement and you free the other from a responsibility that is only yours. Isn't that fair?
2. Second, take a good look at yourself.
With no one else to blame, what are you going to do with yourself and your loneliness?
3. Ask yourself some really deep
What is making you feel so alone? What are you really grieving? What is making you feel so unloved? Is it something you haven't done? Is it something you did? Where does your discomfort stem from? Trace your thoughts! Ask yourself some more. If, by any chance, you find yourself including others in your responses, revisit the first step!
4. Be compassionate and love yourself.
Once you have discovered what really bothers you, embrace yourself. Recognize your humanity, embrace with humbleness all the things that you admire about yourself and all those weak spots that make you vulnerable. Come to terms with the expectations that you have had about yourself. Embrace who you are with love, forgiveness and acceptance. Look at your worthiness. Recognize that you are never alone because you are there for you with a love that is bigger than your own self.
5. Develop a plan and put it into action.
Now that you know what is really bothering you. You might want to develop a plan. Maybe you just need to remember something you have forgotten, or you need to takes steps to move into a more comfortable state within yourself. Whatever you need to do, develop a structured plan to achieve it and put it into action.
6. Be compassionate and love yourself.
Yes! You are reading this twice! No! It isn't a mistake! Just because you have done this once it doesn't mean that it will be an automatic thing for you. So you might find yourself needing to repeat these steps over and over and over again! So, yes, love yourself again and again and again!
The upside to this cycle is that:
1. You will discover new things about yourself!
2. You will understand your own needs!
3. You will see yourself!
4. You will come to your rescue!
5. You will walk by your side!
6. You will learn more about love!
7. You will exercise that love with yourself!
7. You will free people from expectations!
8. You will be free to love others in a selfless manner!
9. You will be free to be exactly who you are all the time!
10. You will experience peace!
Now, isn't this unconditional love?
So, if dealing with your own loneliness can bring you a little bit closer to unconditionally loving yourself and others, wouldn't you want to participate of this?